pouring feelings

things really suck right now. i'm somewhere i really dont want to be at, i dont talk to most of my old friends, the family is starting to separate little by little, but most of all, i feel so lonely.. i have nowhere to turn but the corner of my room. honestly the worst feeling. what really fucking pisses me off is that the cycle just continues over and over again. its only the beginning of the school year but i dont know how much of this shit i can take. i just want parts of my life to be back to normal or just STOP! its not that im mad about it or anything. its just that it..... really hurts. i know what is going to happen. wake up, go to school, go home, chill, sleep. thats all there is to it. but hey, i have to keep up and not give up. a lot can happen in one year. who knows? i still hope, wait, dream, and wish. i dont push because im forced to, i push because i want to. even though things arent the same anymore, one day it can... just one day.. that is my one wish. hopefully my dream come true.

i want to be someone a person can look up to. someone you expect to make the right choice at the right time. the person thats got your back through tough times. the shoulder thats there for you to cry on when your feeling sad, the smile on your face when your happy, the one you first look to for help. but most of all, i want to be yours. i just need someone there when i need them..

i promised i wouldnt give up to my guardian angel and loved ones. so i wont give up. why? because i dont break my promises.

parts of old conversations with them.

"hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey (keeps going)"

"what??"

"i miss you!!!"

"haha i miss you to."

"Tatay! do i have to go to school?? ):"

"of course you do. if you do i'll give you a piggy back ride and chocolate"

"really??? okay okay i'll go!!!!! (:"

"whats your favorite number?"

hmm.. i would have to say 69."

"why...?"

"no reason.."

few minutes later... "HEY! hahaha wow your so sick (x"

"i will give you 100 bucks to go ask that girl out"

"haha no thanks"

"why???"

"because i already have someone (:"

"baby, im not feeling well ):"

"thats not good. i want to help you feel better right now."

"no its okay. i dont want you to get sick"

"i'll risk the sickness and take the love."

"haha awh i love you!!"

"i love you to.."

"if you had one day to live, how would you spend it?"

"hmm i would hang out with as much of my friends and family without telling them im going to die"

"why would you do that?"

"i dont want them to be sad. i want them to be happy and have a good time before i die. i cant deal with tears..."

"hey norman, if i give you 50 bucks will you let me use the computer?"

"no!"

"lets flip a coin for it! heads i win tails you lose"

"okay!"

"tails, you lose"

"hey wait what??"

"hahahaha hand it over"

good times..

blog dedicated to loved ones.

i love and miss you all!!! (: